I've heard about sugar daddies before. I don't live under a rock. All in all, if you don't really believe in love, it doesn't seem like a such a bad idea. Attach yourself to a man who has lots of money. Date him. Marry him. Whatever. Live incredibly rich. If all relationships fail or romantic feelings fizzle and you're just putting up with each other anyways, why not do something that's going to benefit yourself?
But to turn it into a business. A website that advertises either your wealth or your body. This I had never heard of. I watched a news report and subsequently read an article on ABC about it. Apparently there's TONS of websites that offer this type of service. And a lot of the girls who sign up to be the sugar babies are girls my age or a little younger...college-aged girls trying to find someone to fund their education.
There's a ton of reasons women sign up for these sites. I'm a very accepting person, but today I'm going to turn on the judgey part of my brain and play a game. I'm going to decide if the people who sign up for this are in it for love (to find love...like a lot of dating websites attempt to do) or prostitution. Please argue with me about these! I want to hear your opinions so badly! All of these examples are from the reporting I heard/read.
Situation #1: College-aged girl joins the site. Looking for someone to help pay rent and tuition.
PROSTITUTION!!!
Situation #2: Incredibly rich man, loves younger women. Has a ton of money. Likes sex a lot. Advertises on the site.
PROSTITUTION!!!
Situation #3: Totally nerdy guy. Can't find love anywhere (I'm guessing he's not too great looking or has really high standards for what his women should look like.) He's tried other dating sites. Realizes he's got to set himself apart from all these other nerdy guys and the thing that does that is his money. So he sets up a profile on this website.
(love.)
The biggest reason I say this is
that he found a wife out of it. And
I'm assuming he's faithful.
Situation #4: Poor woman. Not a student or anything. But she decides she wants a sugar daddy to help her get by. She finds one on the website. He helps her pay bills etc. while they talk and get to know each other, but they're never intimate before they part ways.
(love.) mixed with a little bit of PROSTITUTION!!!
Her motives were that of a lady of the night.
But the way the relationship worked out...
I respect them both for that. I think the daddy
deserves more credit here than the baby.
I don't blame women who do this. But for some reason it seems so much dirtier to me on a website than in real life. I also feel like it's degrading to your gender. Like saying, "I need a man to help me get through school," instead of saying, "I'm a strong, intelligent woman, and I'm going to empower myself." (Yes, those are the kind of things I walk around telling myself all the time.) : P
I also believe in love. Vday haters....start the debate. I didn't used to. But I do now. That I've found it. But I can see the cynicism about it that leads to these types of arrangements. I would never become a Sugar Baby.
There was an episode about this on MTV True life, I say watch it. It's crazy
ReplyDeleteGonna have to check it out for sure!
ReplyDeleteWell, I married a musician (the poor, non-famous kind) so I think that answers your question. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe this is a real site. Oh wait, I sort of can believe it.
That's romance at it's best as far as I'm concerned! I think that's what these equations are missing...romance.
DeleteMoney is control, and I don't want my husband controlling my life like that. Now, however, I have known people who meet others in bars, etc., and the relationships turn out very sugar daddy-like...what I wouldn't give for my husband to be my sugar daddy. But when I told him that he said he was waiting for me to be his sugar mama, so I think we're both stuck. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha someone's always going to have more earning power, but I totally agree...I don't want anyone controlling me. I think if it happens by happenstance it's a totally different situation...not that there aren't women/men that prey on these situations outside the internet.
DeleteBoy, reality tv and websites at a whole new level. When will it ever stop. I am with you. This is degrading. All it does is open up more opportunities to disrespect people which is something we don't need more of in this world.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Couldn't have said it better.
DeleteOur scheduled Monday post is, "Would you marry for money?" So, related...
ReplyDeleteExcited to read it!
DeleteInteresting. I'd never heard of this, but I agree that selling your body is selling your body, no matter how you disguise it.
ReplyDeleteAmen. The thing that is so disgusting about this to me is that it seems like they're not even trying to hide it!
Deletethere's an old joke that goes something like this....
ReplyDeletea guy approaches a woman and asks, "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars." Now that's a lot of money and while she hesitates a bit she agrees.
He then asks, "How about for five dollars?"
Insulted she says, "Certainly not! What do you take me for?"
To which he replies, "We've already established that. Now we're negotiating price."
Haven't heard of the on-line sugar baby sites, but I did come across a blog entry a while back about young women auctioning off their virginity on-line. Seems the going rate is in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.
The woman who wrote it told the story of the boring and cursory loss of her own. She made the point that even the most disgusting buyer would have placed more real value on the event than the half-interested boy she slept with.
I don't know what to make of that. I surely don't.
The joke is HILAROUS! That site sounds disgusting. I understand her point of view that the boy she slept with was not worth it, but really, that's an abuse in itself. People who use their/others bodies as means to satisfaction only are abhorrent. Money or not. Gotta make them work for it. Male or female.
DeleteAmused at this post. I've seen one or two of these sites. I have to wonder how much is "real" and how much is faked for a few bucks in revenue.
ReplyDeleteBut the principle is age-old, of course.
Love?
I'm a believer. But love isn't enough to sustain a lasting relationship. It's much more complex than that (cue the divorce statistics, the infidelity statistics, and so on). And the practicalities (and incredible expense) of raising a family must be considered.
Still - what do I know?
I go for character over carets, humor over hubris, brains over bonds. Better investment in the long run.
I totally agree with what you go for. It's the only way to sustain a good relationship long-term. And even then it's difficult.
DeleteI wrote a paper for school recently on the issue of love not being enough. It's true...such a complex issue. I think the main issue is that people need to recognize that love is something you have to work at...the butterflies in the stomach don't live there permanently. You need to be constantly reinspiring them. And if you don't feel it, you have to work to get it back. Not just give up.
I wouldn't myself, but we all have struggles, so more power to them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this, too. Despite my previous comments. I understand the cold shoulder towards love thing. I just hope that they don't put themselves in abusive situations by pursuing this route.
DeleteIf the people involved are consenting adults and make an informed choice, who cares. I don't see anything wrong with it.
ReplyDeleteTrue, true. And I understand the motivation behind it. I really do. But like Kris said, it just worries me that money (read power) is the primary goal or foundation for all of these relationships. The way these relationships are built is just a short step away from prostitution, which most people agree is immoral. The only difference is the length of the encounter. Fears that crop up in my mind are mostly of physical violence and repression. But like you said, they both know what they're getting in to when they start this thing and they're all adults. Heck, it could be argued that marriage in general is a form of even-longer term prostitution...stay, have sex with me, and don't cheat and I'll pay all your bills etc etc. I don't tend to agree with that argument, especially in today's society, but it does demonstrate how grey the line can be.
DeleteReally? The only real difference is the length of the arrangement. Make an arrangement for 1 hour(bad) make an arrangement for a lifetime(good). Money = Power, only if you let it. These women have a choice not to engage in this type of behavior. And at anytime they have the power to discontinue this type of behavior. It really sounds more like an addiction to me. If they were not addicted to money they would not be willing to do almost anything to get it.
ReplyDeleteHere is what I don't understand. I worked three jobs and took student loans. Got a low paying job out of college. Took years to pay off my student loans and develop a positive financial net worth. It takes time. The women are taking short cuts and so are the men. All of your examples are prostitution. The nerdy guy does not get a pass for using his money to find sex. Because if money is involved it is not love.
I agree with you up until the very end. I classified him as love because I think what he was really looking for was love. Money in our society equals security. And perhaps the woman he met was looking for someone to fall in love with that met her expectation of providing for her. Or perhaps she was totally using him. Without that information I can't make an entirely accurate judgement. So I'm choosing to believe the best of people. I don't think back in the day the woman who was with the best hunter could have been considered a prostitute if she was monogamous according to her culture's traditions.
ReplyDeleteBut in all likelihood you're right and she's using him so she can consume whatever she wants. I'm not really advocating for any of these sites being open.
Thank you for your comment! I hope you will come back for more posts! You raised some great arguments.
I can't see what's immoral about it; although it certainly has the potential to become abusive, it certainly doesn't have to be. Who says that love is the only reason you should have sex? Who says that going out with a rich guy for money is more degrading than working a boring, tiring job for (a pitiful amount of) money?
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who dated a Sugar Baby for over a year... not what you are thinking. He was the boyfriend, she had the Sugar Daddies (in addition). While I cannot say she was prostituting herself, this is no different than stating, "Lil' Wayne looks like he throws his money around": I don't know for sure, but all facts point to it.
ReplyDeleteUpdate: she was totally prostituting herself; my buddy read through her emails.